Make The Strawberry Bunny Then Eat It with Kathy Micheel

Self-Care As Caregiver Fuel

0:03 Michael Mackniak: Hello there, welcome back to Holding It Together Kinda.

0:07 Michael Mackniak: I'm Michael Makniak.

0:08 Michael Mackniak: Today I want to dive into uh a paradox that we talk about here quite often.

0:14 Michael Mackniak: But how do we care for the people we love without completely erasing the people we are?

0:21 Michael Mackniak: You know, we're told that caregiving is about absolute sacrifice.

0:27 Michael Mackniak: I in my book Character came out and argued that I don't think we have the right to assume the burdens of other people until we're really good to ourselves, right?

0:39 Michael Mackniak: We we have to assume our own burdens before we should feel obligated or even honored to assume the burdens of other people.

0:47 Michael Mackniak: If you think about the social media version of your life, the one that you are the hero or heroine in.

0:53 Michael Mackniak: You're always patient, you're always present, you're just fantastic.

0:58 Michael Mackniak: What is it like really behind the screen?

1:01 Michael Mackniak: You know, most of us are shaking at a safety gate somewhere.

1:05 Michael Mackniak: We're trying to figure out what's gonna be my next step, what's the next move?

1:09 Michael Mackniak: And we don't have a plan, we don't have a map, we got we got nothing.

1:14 Michael Mackniak: We talk about bandwidth like we're machines, and we use all these all these different adages and expressions, but you know, if you're empty, if your tank is empty, if you're tired, basically you're ineffective.

1:27 Michael Mackniak: So you have to learn to be a leader of your family, be a leader in your community, and you gotta get past whatever head trash and whatever video you have on the the tape loop in your brain.

1:41 Michael Mackniak: You have to realize that self-care, folks, is not self-lush, uh self-fish, it is selfless.

1:49 Michael Mackniak: Self-care is not self-fish.

1:52 Michael Mackniak: You need to start seeing it as the primary fuel for making you competent.

2:01 Michael Mackniak: And joining me today is Kathy, uh, a woman by the name of Kathy Mahal.

2:06 Michael Mackniak: And Kathy is a coach who works at the intersection of uh health, life, and interestingly enough, she brings genealogy and history and culture into it as well.

2:22 Michael Mackniak: She is really fascinating, and her work is called Today Forward.

2:28 Michael Mackniak: Today, she's gonna help us as caregivers to find a way back to that me in teen.

2:39 Michael Mackniak: Right?

2:39 Michael Mackniak: There's there may not be an I in teen, but there certainly is a me.

What The Show Stands For

2:48 Michael Mackniak: Hello and welcome to the Holding It Together Kinda podcast.

2:52 Michael Mackniak: I'm your host, Michael Maknack.

2:54 Michael Mackniak: Here we will get real in our conversations about chronic health issues, mental illness, and caregiving, and the messy reality of keeping it all balanced.

3:04 Michael Mackniak: No sugarcoating, no clinical jargon, just real talk about the hospitalizations, the medication battles, and the toll it takes on a home.

3:13 Michael Mackniak: This is for the parents, siblings, the partners who do the impossible every single day.

3:20 Michael Mackniak: Holding it together kinda is a home for the overthinkers, the multitaskers, and anyone who feels like they're one-spilled coffee away from a meltdown.

3:29 Michael Mackniak: Find us on YouTube at hitkinda, H I T K I N D A.

3:34 Michael Mackniak: And subscribe, like, follow, comment, vent, throw rocks, or whatever you need to do, but do it today.

Kathy’s Four-Pillar Approach

4:41 Michael Mackniak: Okay, here we are, and I'm here with Kathy Miguel to talk about some really interesting things, I think.

4:48 Michael Mackniak: But Kathy, first tell everybody about you, who you are, what you do, how you do it, why you do it, and like what's really got you fired up these days and what you're passionate about right now.

5:00 SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you for asking.

5:03 SPEAKER_00: So I'm often describing myself as a legacy builder.

5:07 SPEAKER_00: I'm the founder of today Forward Consulting, where I help individuals and businesses move forward with that clarity, that confidence, and the purpose that they've been longing for.

5:19 SPEAKER_00: You wake up every day and it's like, oh, what am I gonna do?

5:22 SPEAKER_00: Well, really, we're just here to follow our purpose, use our talents.

5:26 SPEAKER_00: And so my work really centers around the four areas.

5:29 SPEAKER_00: It's the health, the life, the business, and the genealogy.

5:34 SPEAKER_00: Because of all of those, they're the pillars that today forward consulting is based off of.

5:40 SPEAKER_00: We're not only shaping today, but our legacy that we're live living and leading and leaving behind.

5:49 SPEAKER_00: So, what makes my work just a little bit unique is everything is connected.

5:54 SPEAKER_00: I don't treat them or explain them separately.

5:57 SPEAKER_00: We work on one, and then as we gain traction, we go with the next one.

6:05 Michael Mackniak: So it's certainly an interesting roadmap, right?

6:10 SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

6:10 SPEAKER_00: Yep.

6:11 Michael Mackniak: And as you know, I've been working, we we have had extensive conversations about our interest in each other's work and and the work that I'm doing primarily now is work with families that are struggling not only with mental illness, but chronic illnesses and and and enduring illnesses, unfortunately.

6:29 Michael Mackniak: Not to mention the obviously the person that has the illness, but certainly I'm really interested in the impact that it has on the family as a as a unit, but also the specific people who are acting in a caregiving capacity.

6:42 Michael Mackniak: So I'm really interested in your take on some of this because of your unique approach.

6:49 Michael Mackniak: Uh based upon your your model, how do you think that caregivers can bridge the gap between the composed version, if you will, the version that they're showing the world versus what is really going on and the overwhelm and the reality of their their existence that you are very interested in as well?

7:13 SPEAKER_00: So we all hear about the news, right?

7:17 SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm going to go back and say what is the real daily news, that nutrition, that exercise, that water, sunshine, and sleep that we can do for ourselves.

7:30 SPEAKER_00: And what we show people is how we need to live and thrive, really.

7:39 SPEAKER_00: That old saying of, you know, put the oxygen mass on yourself first, because if you can't save yourself, you can't save the next person.

7:48 SPEAKER_00: So, how can I help that caregiver, whether it's myself or my neighbor, my parents, my grandparents, you know, that next generation go back to I got married.

8:01 SPEAKER_00: I need to help my spouse and our children, and then that next generation.

8:06 SPEAKER_00: So we're always trying to work together as caregivers.

8:14 Michael Mackniak: Well, certainly, and and any work, any help that caregivers can get is usually quite welcome.

8:21 Michael Mackniak: I just think that a lot of us, uh a lot of them have have difficulty asking for the help, which is an interesting paradox of being human.

White Space And Adding Color

8:33 Michael Mackniak: One of the things that kind of goes to what you just said at the outset, there is I I really advocate that people, you know, and of course the the airplane analogy and using your your oxygen mask first, but I really advocate that people leave open some white space in their calendar on purpose and interject fun and and things like that to it.

8:56 Michael Mackniak: What do you say to the people who give you pushback and and and your coaching and your consulting and your your therapy when they're giving you pushback and say, I don't have time for that.

9:06 Michael Mackniak: I don't have time for for fun or for leisure or relaxation.

9:12 SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

9:14 SPEAKER_00: So I I too leave white space in my calendar, but I also incorporate more color.

9:24 SPEAKER_00: How can I make my food more fun?

9:26 SPEAKER_00: You know, look at that plate.

9:28 SPEAKER_00: You know, is it boring?

9:30 SPEAKER_00: There's reasons that we were giving different colors of foods.

9:34 SPEAKER_00: And so cook with yourself and challenge that next plate and be more childlike.

9:42 SPEAKER_00: Make the the bunny ears with slices of oranges, make make a bunny nose with a a part of a strawberry.

9:50 SPEAKER_00: You know, it doesn't take much time and effort to look at your plate and go, huh, you know, I do see this.

9:59 SPEAKER_00: You we look up in the clouds and we would make objects or you know, bunnies or whatever comes to mind for animals when you look at the the clouds.

10:09 SPEAKER_00: We need to do more of that.

10:12 SPEAKER_00: So it still leads back to I'm not really beating a dead horse, but that real daily news of okay, we got the nutrition.

10:22 SPEAKER_00: How can I make this more fun?

10:23 SPEAKER_00: How can I get outside and do more fun things with the exercise?

10:28 SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying you need to uh go dig in the dirt every time that you get out there, but look at the dirt, appreciate that dirt, give gratitude for what we do have.

10:40 SPEAKER_00: My backdrop here is a tree and it's got full of vibrance.

10:45 SPEAKER_00: Right above it, it's a metal stick branch.

10:48 SPEAKER_00: So we have to choose: do we want to be the stick branch, never have any fun, never try, never be childlike, or do we want to be more like that colorful tree and thriving and go outside.

11:02 SPEAKER_00: And if you're able to have South Dakota wind where I'm at, you get to sway with that wind.

11:08 SPEAKER_00: But you know, just try and do more stuff.

11:13 Michael Mackniak: Yeah.

11:14 Michael Mackniak: No, and my my good friend Walt Hampton is he he writes about time mastery and stuff.

11:19 Michael Mackniak: And one of the things he says, he calls it the F-word.

11:22 Michael Mackniak: So I like to just refer it to the as the F word that you know, we're gonna save it till last.

11:27 Michael Mackniak: I'll give you what it is, but it's really something.

11:30 Michael Mackniak: But what if so when you have you you brought up the food concept, and you know, I'm gonna make this cute little bunny, then I'm gonna just bite its ears off, is what I'm thinking in my head.

Nutrition That Keeps The Flame

11:41 Michael Mackniak: But what I want to go into your take on nutrition because I find it to be interesting.

11:48 Michael Mackniak: Obviously, you know, there's so many every day, it seems there's somebody telling you a different way to eat, you know, you want to eat five small meals a day.

11:58 Michael Mackniak: No, you don't, you want to eat lots of meals but don't have carbs in them, or you know, whatever the case may be.

12:03 Michael Mackniak: It seems like there's constantly a change in what we're told is good and what is not good.

12:08 Michael Mackniak: But like, what are some good habits that if you're busy, if you're running around, if you think you're too overwhelmed with life to even take care of that basic necessity, food, what would be like the one big tip or two or three big tips that you would say nutrition-wise are the best things that you could do to feed your brain and feed the energy in the temple that is your your body?

12:37 SPEAKER_00: Well, I'll give you the short version.

12:39 SPEAKER_00: How about that?

12:40 SPEAKER_00: Okay, a campfire.

12:45 SPEAKER_00: Everybody knows what a flame can do, right?

12:47 Michael Mackniak: Sure.

12:48 SPEAKER_00: And we need to constantly feed that flame, otherwise it extinguishes, goes out, and makes a big poof and it's gone, right?

12:56 Michael Mackniak: Yes.

12:57 SPEAKER_00: So what kind of nutrition do you have access to?

13:01 SPEAKER_00: What kind of nutrition could you feed yourself that could just give you a little bit extra energy, that burning flame?

13:10 SPEAKER_00: The reason I say that is if we constantly feed that flame of the campfire, it constantly burns and it gives off energy and we stay warm and comfy, right?

13:21 SPEAKER_00: So we need to think of that as what we do throughout the day.

13:25 SPEAKER_00: So I don't say that you have to have five meals a day, three of this, two of that, or when to.

13:32 SPEAKER_00: I just went over an 8:30 a.m.

13:36 SPEAKER_00: to an 8:30 p.m.

13:38 SPEAKER_00: 12-hour routine with one of my clients earlier today.

13:43 SPEAKER_00: And they are looking for more energy, better sleep.

13:47 SPEAKER_00: And I say, This is what we're gonna do.

13:50 SPEAKER_00: This is what you need to get accomplished in your day.

13:54 SPEAKER_00: But I'm not going to say when you have to do it.

13:57 SPEAKER_00: Your body is gonna say, Oh my goodness, I'm like lost.

14:01 SPEAKER_00: I'm searching for something.

14:03 SPEAKER_00: Most likely it is thirsty or hungry.

14:06 SPEAKER_00: And so if you keep stoking your metabolism by eating consistently throughout the day, you're going to have that more energy and you're not going to be near as cranky, short-tempered, your mind's not going to wander.

14:23 SPEAKER_00: And the reason it's wandering is because it's trying to be in that survival mode.

14:28 SPEAKER_00: So if we can just come back and say, okay, did I get the nutrition?

14:35 SPEAKER_00: Did I get up and move?

14:37 SPEAKER_00: My knees hurt.

14:39 SPEAKER_00: Well, motion is lotion.

14:42 SPEAKER_00: So we need to get up, grab that burn or that the wood to stoke the fire to keep that burning gone, right?

14:49 SPEAKER_00: The water, when you decide that you have enough, you can extinguish it with the water or fill yourself back up and prevent the forest fire from getting out of control, you know, with your mind.

15:03 SPEAKER_00: That sunshine, it's either the light or you know, you're just taking in things and being gracious, you know, being thankful.

15:14 SPEAKER_00: You know, yeah, be thankful.

15:15 SPEAKER_00: And then the sleep, you know, that will naturally come because you're just so calm.

15:21 SPEAKER_00: You realize that you fulfilled your purpose for that day.

15:24 SPEAKER_00: What was the one thing you were trying to get accomplished for that day?

15:30 SPEAKER_00: And then you can sleep much better.

15:33 Michael Mackniak: So you know, more and more science comes out about sleep.

15:38 Michael Mackniak: In fact, I'm tomorrow, I think I'm meeting with Emerson.

15:42 Michael Mackniak: You you met Emerson from Knox, Knox Technologies, the sleep AI sleep study stuff.

15:49 Michael Mackniak: It's fascinating.

Tool For Caregiving Mental Load

15:51 Michael Mackniak: We'll get back to our conversation in just a minute, but I want to take a second to talk about something that many of us in this community deal with every single day, and that's the mental load of caregiving.

16:03 Michael Mackniak: If you're like me, your brain is probably filled with appointment dates, medication schedules, and a never-ending list of questions for doctors.

16:10 Michael Mackniak: It's exhausting trying to keep it all in your head while also trying to show up emotionally for the person you love.

16:16 Michael Mackniak: That's exactly why the team at the Care Coalition created the Care Navigator Journal.

16:22 Michael Mackniak: This is not just another notebook.

16:25 Michael Mackniak: It's a tool specifically designed to help you to stay organized and more importantly, to help you feel a little more in control when things start feeling really chaotic.

16:37 Michael Mackniak: It gives you a dedicated space to track medical updates, manage daily tasks, and even process your own thoughts.

16:44 Michael Mackniak: Imagine such a thing.

16:45 Michael Mackniak: Your well-being matters just as much as the person that you're caring for.

16:51 Michael Mackniak: If you're feeling overwhelmed and looking for a way to stay organized, I highly recommend picking one up.

16:57 Michael Mackniak: You can find it right now at www.carecoalition.org slash holding it together.

17:04 Michael Mackniak: Again, it's carecoalition.org slash holding it together.

17:11 Michael Mackniak: It's a small way to start holding it all together, one page at a time.

17:16 Michael Mackniak: All right, let's get back to the show.

17:21 Michael Mackniak: We're feeding the fire, as you say.

Health Baselines Sleep And Plastic

17:23 Michael Mackniak: You're gonna fuel the fire, and the fuel is the energy.

17:26 Michael Mackniak: So, but I do like the idea.

17:28 Michael Mackniak: Like I just experienced being hangry a little earlier today, so I just went and got myself a sandwich.

17:34 Michael Mackniak: But you also get into the lethargy and the afternoon crashes and things like that.

17:39 Michael Mackniak: And those are all normal, but I do like what you say about kind of feed that fire when the fire needs to be fed.

17:46 Michael Mackniak: I think too many of us are stuck in I have to have breakfast at this time, lunch is at noon, dinner is at five or six or whatever, and then that's I don't know how we ever got onto those routines, other than maybe going all the way back to the harvests and things like this from our ancestors.

18:02 Michael Mackniak: But I do want to get into the history of things with you too.

18:05 Michael Mackniak: But I I really believe strongly in this in this term yet, the word yet, y-e-t.

18:10 Michael Mackniak: In other words, we haven't gotten good at this yet.

18:14 Michael Mackniak: We haven't accomplished this yet, because that gives us the hope and the the purpose that uh I'm still on my way to that.

18:21 Michael Mackniak: And and I think that people who are learning to re think about the way that they eat or the way that they exercise, it is a work in progress, isn't it?

18:35 SPEAKER_00: It always is.

18:38 SPEAKER_00: Well, go back to the day of the wheel was a rock at one time, right?

18:43 SPEAKER_00: And then we got the wooden wheel, then we slapped on some metal, then we got some new rubber, and then what's oh, we need this tread, we need, you know, this different thing, this different thing.

18:54 SPEAKER_00: We're always on a hamster wheel of nicely.

19:04 SPEAKER_00: Well, when do we have enough?

19:06 SPEAKER_00: You know, how did we get to have enough?

19:10 SPEAKER_00: So we go to the grocery store and we go around the outside aisles only because that's where all the cold freshness stuff is that we should be eating.

19:21 SPEAKER_00: Someone asked, Well, I drink all this water and you know, I use this brand and I use this brand.

19:26 SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, How much plastic are you ingesting?

19:29 SPEAKER_00: Now days, they're not just testing your blood for all the other numbers, they're actually testing how much plastic is actually in your body now, too.

19:38 Michael Mackniak: So and the numbers are are fascinating and it's scary.

19:44 Michael Mackniak: And especially in our I mean, this is true story, but in our genitalia, a lot of plastics for some reason seem to sit and live, which I just learned the other day.

19:54 Michael Mackniak: I never heard that one before, but it's that'll scare you straight.

19:58 Michael Mackniak: That'll scare you away from from the plastic bottles, right?

20:02 SPEAKER_00: Exactly.

20:03 unknown: Yeah.

20:04 SPEAKER_00: So no, then go ahead.

20:07 Michael Mackniak: I'm sorry.

20:08 SPEAKER_00: There's definitely numbers that we need to be watching.

20:12 SPEAKER_00: And so I do encourage everybody that the first thing they do when they get up is one, be thankful, two, go to the bathroom, three, get on that scale and just see how did you do yesterday, really?

20:25 SPEAKER_00: You know, what small swap could you make in that nutrition that would have made a difference?

20:31 Michael Mackniak: You know, so that's interesting because you're the first person I know that's a nutrition expert who says get on the scale, because most people are like, avoid the scale, you know, and nobody does, but people are told to do this, you know, just look at how your clothes fit and all this.

20:46 Michael Mackniak: And yeah, right.

20:47 Michael Mackniak: People go to the scale.

20:48 Michael Mackniak: Uh and if they tell you they're not, they're lying, right?

20:52 SPEAKER_00: Possibly, but there's been people that I've talked to.

20:55 SPEAKER_00: I've never been to the doctor for six years, and then all of a sudden they tell me my numbers are bad.

20:59 SPEAKER_00: I'm like, there's a reason that you go and do the one-year physical, you don't have to be unhealthy or healthy, you just need to know what your starting line is, you know.

21:11 Michael Mackniak: Very important, you know.

21:13 Michael Mackniak: I I I changed doctors, and the first thing she said was, Well, let's get a baseline so that I know what your, you know, let's do the blood tests and everything so I know what your baseline is.

21:23 Michael Mackniak: Well, it turns out she found she found that I have prostate cancer.

21:27 Michael Mackniak: I was 50 year, I was 49 years old at the time and had the surgery and everything when I was 50.

21:33 Michael Mackniak: You know, shout out to my brother who just had the same surgery four or five days ago.

21:38 Michael Mackniak: Uh, you know, and he's he's older now than I was when I had it, but these baselines are very important.

21:44 Michael Mackniak: It's very important to know what your the the functioning level you are at in terms of your health, your mental health, and everything else.

21:53 Michael Mackniak: One of the things I did want to get into with you in some detail because I'm fascinated.

22:00 Michael Mackniak: I love history.

22:01 Michael Mackniak: I love my family's been in the states since there were states, right?

Genealogy As A Legacy Practice

22:07 Michael Mackniak: Or before there were states.

22:08 Michael Mackniak: We've been here forever.

22:10 Michael Mackniak: And I love the genealogy aspect of it.

22:12 Michael Mackniak: And I love history and thinking about where my ancestors fit into the whole thing.

22:17 Michael Mackniak: Talk about your use of genealogy, either that way, backwards, or the progen progenit, project progeny that we leave forward.

22:28 Michael Mackniak: Talk about that.

22:29 Michael Mackniak: How you I've never heard of anybody incorporating this before, and it's I want I want to know more.

22:43 SPEAKER_00: What?

22:44 SPEAKER_00: Really?

22:44 SPEAKER_00: Yes.

22:45 SPEAKER_00: Yes.

22:48 SPEAKER_00: Wow.

22:49 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's so I was very lucky.

22:53 SPEAKER_00: I actually got to experience and hear stories from my great-grandparents, which you know that they were talking about their grandparents and their parents, and that possibly their great-grandgrandparents, that they had heard those stories.

23:08 SPEAKER_00: So I'm helping people do more of the food, the photos, and the fellowship because it's because of me sitting around a table when I was growing up with all of these wholesome foods and the wholesome conversations.

23:27 SPEAKER_00: You're either learning from yourself or from others.

23:31 SPEAKER_00: You just have to choose who do I want to listen to, why do I want to listen to them?

23:36 SPEAKER_00: And how can this new knowledge get me to where I need to go next?

23:43 SPEAKER_00: So I can always say I'm not just living what I've learned or what I've been told, I've learning from my experiences as well.

23:54 SPEAKER_00: And with our kids, right now they're finally 21 and 18.

24:00 SPEAKER_00: I'm almost an empty nester in a way, but they're coming back home to the farm.

24:05 SPEAKER_00: That's all right.

24:08 SPEAKER_00: No, it's perfect because, well, you and I were just away from the office meeting with other people from around the world, right?

24:18 SPEAKER_00: Right.

24:18 SPEAKER_00: Well, we left our kids home at 21 and 18 to take care of the cattle, take care of the farm ground, take care of the equipment, take care of your grandparents and whoever else needs help in the neighborhood, why we're gone.

24:34 SPEAKER_00: We got the phone calls that said, Hey, we're doing great.

24:37 SPEAKER_00: Hey, we've got a question.

24:39 SPEAKER_00: We're letting our kids learn now versus all of a sudden there was a death in the family, there was a big accident, and now they have to learn it the hard way.

24:51 SPEAKER_00: My backstory is I was a crop adjuster and I would make the phone calls and say, I heard you had a hail storm.

24:58 SPEAKER_00: And they're like, Yes, my crop was damaged, but I'm actually going through this life experience.

25:04 SPEAKER_00: My spouse is in the hospital, my parents are on their deathbed.

25:09 SPEAKER_00: And I would say, Oh, well, thank you for letting me know.

25:12 SPEAKER_00: Wish them the best.

25:14 SPEAKER_00: And then I would make a note and go, Okay, I just learned something.

25:19 SPEAKER_00: How can I help our kids not go through that same thing?

25:23 SPEAKER_00: You know, so we're always playing it forward.

25:26 SPEAKER_00: So you're either the teacher or the student.

25:29 Michael Mackniak: And well, you always have to be both, right?

25:31 Michael Mackniak: I mean, if you stop being both, if you stop being both, I think you're sunk.

25:36 SPEAKER_00: Exactly.

25:37 SPEAKER_00: So and your body is telling you what it needs, so you need to just find the answers.

25:42 Michael Mackniak: Well, one thing you were alluding to at the outset there was that you know, we you have we have our heritage, we have the stories that are passed down, and our ancestors tell us, our grandparents tell us about their parents and things, and that that's fascinating stuff.

25:58 Michael Mackniak: And it's I mean, people who are listening that are younger may poo-poo it right now, but trust me, someday you're gonna really, really think it was cool that you had that those stories told to you.

Keeping Heritage Without Head Trash

26:10 Michael Mackniak: But at what point does that ancestry, that heritage, and that culture, whatever it may be, become so oppressive to us that it becomes head trash, and we have to we have to forge our own way.

26:30 Michael Mackniak: How do you how do you help people forge their own way while still appreciating that past and and what they are and where they came from?

26:45 SPEAKER_00: I'm kind of a storyteller, and I I will give you what my experience was when I was going for a computer degree.

26:53 SPEAKER_00: I was a medication aide, and I would see what I did not want to have happen in my life, the Alzheimer's, the diabetes, all those other mental health concerns.

27:07 SPEAKER_00: And I'm always looking for how can I be more preventative or prepare myself or the next person for that part in their life.

27:20 SPEAKER_00: We go up in an airplane to jump out of it to skydive, they give you a parachute, right?

27:28 SPEAKER_00: You just hope it works.

27:30 SPEAKER_00: But you have to have faith in what you were given and be accepting and ask for that help.

27:38 SPEAKER_00: You know, it's right some things that I say may or may not trigger people.

27:47 SPEAKER_00: I can tell you that it's triggering me to not be open, but then it triggers me more that I need to be more open and ask for more help, if that makes sense.

28:00 Michael Mackniak: No, and and that's an important theme that comes up very often in this podcast and in the discussions that we have is how for some reason we we don't ask for help when we know full well that people are sitting there and conscious, subconsciously, we all know that people want to help us, and we just like we want to help other people.

28:22 Michael Mackniak: I mean, I would never turn down somebody who needed my help.

28:25 Michael Mackniak: Well, what makes me think that that people will turn me down?

28:29 Michael Mackniak: You know, it's almost who the hell am I to think that?

28:32 Michael Mackniak: So, yeah, asking for the help, or how about on the other side, be the person that offers the specific help that they that whatever you have in you that you can give is is worth offering as well?

28:46 Michael Mackniak: Yeah, you know, one of the things that I did want to ask about relative to genealogy and our learned traits and our learned person is do you find with any of your clients, patients, or or consulting work, do you find that some of the people are afraid to because of where they come from or who they're told that they are, they're afraid to dream big, they're afraid to have fun, they're too worried about getting through the day and caregiving and all the responsibilities.

29:21 Michael Mackniak: So, you know, they're just too afraid to to even get into it.

29:26 SPEAKER_00: They are that's where I try to have them pick out at least 10 photos that mean the most to them, that bring back that joy, that they remember who they really wanted to be, who they are, and just to ask them what experience comes up with you know this one photo and why is that?

29:51 Michael Mackniak: And um, nostalgia is a very powerful uh emotion, right?

29:57 SPEAKER_00: It it really is, because what happened to me and my family in the past, I've been using that to help other people going through the same thing.

30:08 SPEAKER_00: A lot of people don't understand why death happens and to who, or a certain illness happens to them and not somebody else.

30:21 SPEAKER_00: But then in five, 10 years, they go, Oh, I needed to go through that experience to be able to make it through the next one.

30:32 SPEAKER_00: So my backstory my parents had a stillborn daughter, and it was my kindergarten graduation.

30:41 SPEAKER_00: My mom said, Hey, I was supposed to be at your music concert holding my brand new little baby, and she couldn't.

30:51 SPEAKER_00: So it's just those stories that come out.

30:55 SPEAKER_00: There's no pictures, but you have a photogenic memory.

30:58 SPEAKER_00: So the the food, the photos, and the fellowship.

31:01 SPEAKER_00: If you're not talking about it, you're actually doing yourself and others a disservice because a lot of that continuing conversation just needs to happen.

31:13 Michael Mackniak: Wow.

31:14 Michael Mackniak: So you went so your family went 90 years without a girl, and then they almost had two back to back.

31:20 SPEAKER_00: There's actually another sister in between.

31:23 Michael Mackniak: Oh, really?

31:24 SPEAKER_00: Yes.

31:25 SPEAKER_00: Yup.

31:26 Michael Mackniak: What the heck?

31:27 Michael Mackniak: That's unbelievable.

31:30 Michael Mackniak: And then we um yeah, what are some of the things that you know if if you're if the folks that are listening right now are saying, okay, Kathy, given what you've been teaching us here today and the way that you approach your your cut consulting and your therapy, what if somebody's laying awake at night, if you you got the stress, uh, you know, and again, I'm thinking about my caregiver tribe out there, or folks that are struggling to provide care for their clients who are struggling and they're laying awake at night.

A Nighttime Check-In For Peace

32:03 Michael Mackniak: What what do you think is one thing that they should ask themselves, or one affirmation that they should give themselves to help them rest easy and and be okay with what they did that day that you were getting at earlier on?

32:16 SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

32:17 SPEAKER_00: So what is one thing that you did for yourself that shed a light on somebody else?

32:26 SPEAKER_00: What is something that you did that got you further down the road?

32:33 SPEAKER_00: It's just looking at yourself as I can only take care of one person so I can take care of more people.

32:42 SPEAKER_00: You're not being selfish.

32:44 SPEAKER_00: You're actually being selfless because if you don't take care of yourself, you can't help that next person.

32:52 Michael Mackniak: No.

32:53 Michael Mackniak: And and I think that goes to my next question, was gonna be just to sort of cap on that, and then I'd I'd love to know what you think.

33:01 Michael Mackniak: I mean that cold hard fact is the value that these folks need to put on themselves.

33:10 Michael Mackniak: Is that correct?

33:12 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's definitely looking back and saying, how can I empower myself so that I can be better for the next person, for myself tomorrow.

33:21 SPEAKER_00: So you're you have to protect your body, your mind, and your soul so that bad things don't come in and overwhelm you.

Mountain Heartbeat Butterfly Mindset

33:33 SPEAKER_00: You have to think of things of not really happening to you, but they're happening for you.

33:39 SPEAKER_00: Because my logo itself is a mountain, a heartbeat, and a butterfly.

33:45 SPEAKER_00: So, what where am I at in my mountain and my journey?

33:48 SPEAKER_00: Where are you at in your mountain and journey?

33:52 SPEAKER_00: Just looking at our beautiful landscape around the world, we're all intertwined.

33:58 SPEAKER_00: If you think of us as our own little mountain or mountain hill, you know, the rain comes, it kind of massages, I guess, things away, lets things flow, and then you have a whole new look.

34:12 SPEAKER_00: You're never the same.

34:13 SPEAKER_00: You're either adding more sediment to yourself or taking it away.

34:19 SPEAKER_00: Every choice is a a nail in the coffin.

34:22 SPEAKER_00: You decide how fast that nail is going to be set.

34:27 unknown: Yeah.

34:28 Michael Mackniak: So then how is the what does the heartbeat in the in the butterfly fit in?

34:32 Michael Mackniak: What how do you use that in in your when you were thinking of this logo?

34:36 Michael Mackniak: Because I love I love the mountain getting washed away and cleaned off and and the revitalization of it.

34:43 SPEAKER_00: So as long as you have a heartbeat, that mountain is always changing and you're always trying to be that butterfly, whether it was the cocoon stage to the butterfly, and then that next generation, you're really turning yourself over every 90 days.

34:59 SPEAKER_00: If you take care of yourself, you know, your your body actually heals itself and gets stronger for the next journey.

35:06 SPEAKER_00: And you never know where you're at.

35:09 SPEAKER_00: But every 90 days, there is a change.

35:12 SPEAKER_00: If you look back and just go, where was I at 90 days ago?

35:16 SPEAKER_00: Even 30 days ago, where were we at?

35:19 SPEAKER_00: You know, we were getting ready for the next thing.

35:22 SPEAKER_00: Where are we gonna be at 30 or 30 days from today?

35:27 SPEAKER_00: You know, yeah.

35:28 Michael Mackniak: I mean, you know, you hear science and nature is cyclical, and and I've experienced that with allergies, right?

35:36 Michael Mackniak: I never had allergies in my life.

35:38 Michael Mackniak: Then all of a sudden, I had allergies like crazy for like seven years, and then sure as they say, after the seven years it goes away, and I haven't been bothered as much, but it's fascinating.

35:50 Michael Mackniak: I never heard anybody say that either that the body will change itself every 90 days or so.

35:55 Michael Mackniak: I mean, we we need to rejuvenate and regenerate, and I think that's the theme of what I'm trying to get at here with you today is you know, this this the world is gonna try to beat you down, as you just said, these things aren't aren't happening to you as much as they're happening for you or with you, and it's all part of the cumulative process that makes up that overall being that we identify as.

36:48 SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, at the end of the day, my passion is that I can empower one person to make a difference, whether it's you or the next person that happens to catch the conversation that they just overheard.

37:03 SPEAKER_00: You know, it's a it's a ripple effect.

37:05 SPEAKER_00: They always say your your name, your your essence lives on, and you just want it to be the the best that it can be.

37:13 SPEAKER_00: If you think of an apple, we talk about the core, right?

37:17 SPEAKER_00: Well, be be the core for somebody, you know, give it to the teacher, be the teacher, be the student, but definitely be that be that tree, that fruitful tree.

37:29 Michael Mackniak: So I love that.

37:31 Michael Mackniak: That could I that's a perfect way to end a great conversation.

37:34 Michael Mackniak: So thank you so much, Kathy, for being here and helping out so many people that are listening to this podcast.

37:41 Michael Mackniak: And and and thank you for the work you do for everybody else.

37:45 SPEAKER_00: Well, you're welcome.

37:46 SPEAKER_00: And there is definitely a a food for everybody.

37:49 SPEAKER_00: We just need to find the one that you need.

37:54 Michael Mackniak: Thank you so much, Kathy, for being here.

37:56 Michael Mackniak: I appreciate it.

Final Reminders For Caregivers

37:58 Michael Mackniak: And it's getting warm and being inside and all that good stuff, and that's not a guys.

38:09 Michael Mackniak: Success isn't something that we attain and just forget about it, it's something that has to be maintained.

38:17 Michael Mackniak: If you're a caregiver, remember you're the measuring stick, and that measuring stick is your own.

38:24 Michael Mackniak: You're you don't have to hold it up against anybody else's.

38:27 Michael Mackniak: You don't need to be carrying the burden of expectations on top of the expectations of yourself and the burden that you already have um taken on for yourself.

38:40 Michael Mackniak: Huge thanks to to uh Kathy McGale for helping us find a few more pieces of what makes us us, what makes our character, right?

38:53 Michael Mackniak: So before you get back into the chaos of your life, just look into the mirror, and as Kathy said, you know, think about your get-to-do list.

39:04 Michael Mackniak: What do you get to do as opposed to what do you have to do?

39:07 Michael Mackniak: Think about what you're grateful for.

39:11 Michael Mackniak: Is just being as kind to the person you're looking back at, or is that looking back at you, written up there on the top of your priority level?

39:22 Michael Mackniak: Are you being that kind person to the person in your reflection?

39:27 Michael Mackniak: Because character isn't about, you know, grand gestures.

39:30 Michael Mackniak: It's it's the quiet minutes when you decide that your health, your history, your peace of mind, your body cleanse is all stuff that really matters.

39:41 Michael Mackniak: You're doing better than you think you are.

39:44 Michael Mackniak: I promise you that.

39:45 Michael Mackniak: Even if you think you're just barely keeping the wheels on the bus today, they're on the bus.

39:51 Michael Mackniak: You're doing okay.

39:54 Michael Mackniak: Keep those wheels on the bus.

39:56 Michael Mackniak: Keep holding it together.

39:58 Michael Mackniak: Even if it's just kinda.

40:00 Michael Mackniak: I'll see you the next time.